It’s not You, It’s Them.

It’s my birthday tomorrow, and I probably shouldn’t be writing right now. I should be somewhere having a fantastic time, shaking my ass like the African shekere.

But like I always say, my life is chaotic, and things hardly work out the way I plan them. I received some annoying news yesterday, but I’ve been trying to stay okay and not let it affect my birthday weekend.

And so, here I am, currently writing, trying to do something to take my mind off the chaos. Trying to be as calm as the ocean. At the end of the day, I didn’t directly cause this misfortune. It was “Them.” There’s a little book on my shelf called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

It’s a small book, but it’s incredibly powerful. I’d recommend you read it if you haven’t.

Don Miguel talks about four major points, and one of my favorites is “Never take anything personally.”

It’s really difficult to do this. It’s a never-ending process of cultivating the habit. It takes a lot of discipline and a change in perspective for this to come to you naturally. Am I a master at it? Absolutely not! Every day is a struggle with this concept. But I’m trying. And my goal with this write-up is for you to try as well.

I woke up one random Saturday morning and decided to go to the park to take a walk. Exercising is important to me now. I had a fantastic time walking, and afterward, I decided to go straight home to rest. Normally, I’d go somewhere else, looking for what’s not missing, but not that day. I was honestly so tired.

The speed limit is 35 mph. Most times, I stick to the speed limit to avoid a ticket, which would cost no less than $40.

$40 is a lot. I can do a lot with 40 American dollars. Having to give it to the government is a major L, they already take so much from me, from us.

A car is driving too closely behind me. I hate it when drivers do that. Any little push on my brake and they’ll be right up my ass, changing the mood of my day.

I try not to pay the driver any mind. My aim is to get home safely, with no ticket showing up in my mailbox a couple of days later.

(Maybe if you needed to be somewhere urgently, you should have left on time—that’s what I tell myself in my head, referring to the driver.)

I glance in my rearview mirror, and the driver quickly overtakes me, getting in front. I don’t care about that, but I do care about the fact that they flick me off right after getting in front. I must confess, I was deeply insulted.

Again, I did nothing wrong. I was driving the speed limit and minding my own business. There are two ways this could have gone after that moment.

(Scenario One)

I get upset immediately and speed up to catch up with the driver. A mile and a half ahead, there’s a traffic light, and now we’re both waiting. I signal to move into the lane next to them.I roll my window down, turn down my music and ask the driver loudly what the hell their problem is. I tell them that they are dumb af and flick them off right back. Whatever happens after I do that will run its course till one of us gives up or ends up in the hospital. (Its America)

(Scenario Two)

I shake my head and continue driving. About a mile and a half ahead, there’s a traffic light, and now we’re both waiting. I wait patiently for the light to turn green, then go about my business. Later that day, I tell a friend about it. We laugh and talk about how silly humans can be.

(What I actually Did)

WTF! I did nothing wrong! (is what I say to myself in my car). I continue driving until I reach the traffic light. Unfortunately, there’s a car beside the driver, so I stay behind them, muttering to myself while making hand gestures. I hope they’re looking in their rearview mirror and can read the words I’m silently mouthing.

(You are so stupid, I hope you are happy! - At the end of the day we are at the light together with your dumb ass) - is what I say!

I was about to keep going, but then I stopped and told myself:

Just forget about it. You don’t know who that person is, and you’ll probably never see them again.

And besides, you did nothing wrong. They’re in a hurry to be somewhere, and you driving the speed limit (which is slow for them) is just an obstacle.

I stayed quiet, drove home, and told a friend about it later that night.

Things like this happen all the time. Someone is rude to you for no reason. Someone has an attitude toward you for no reason. Someone is mean to you for no reason. Someone is just (………) for no reason. I could go on, but you get the gist. And the constant here is “For no reason.”

I want you to keep this in mind: In situations like that, it’s not you, it’s them. Most of the time, what someone says or does has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. I guess you could also call this “projecting” in a way. When people are having a rough day, not feeling good about themselves, or just irritated, those negative vibes naturally spill out.

The same goes for when they're happy or feeling good, positivity flows from those emotions. You can’t stay mad about it. Just try to let it go.

I know it’s easier said than done. Sometimes, it just sucks. But what sucks more is letting someone else ruin your fantastic day, the one you’ve already envisioned for yourself.

Letting their words or actions eat at you when, in reality, it’s just not true. Acting out of character and loosing steeze and composure over a silly statement.

After I got that annoying news right at the start of my birthday weekend, I walked into the shower, rinsed my teary face, and wrapped it up.

Life goes on, and I refuse to let something I didn’t ask for ruin my plans.

The sun will shine again tomorrow.