No.

Random Friend: T, can we go to DC next week Friday?

Me: No, thank you! But I appreciate the invite.

Random Friend: Why? The weather will be nice that day, and it should be fun.

Me: I’m sure it would be, but my answer is still no.

Random Friend: ...

Me: Hello?

Random Friend: ...

I did not grow up with much confidence. I wasn’t taught to stand my ground or question things. I was raised as "The First Born Girl Child", with the very important duty of catering to everyone. No questions asked. No excuses. No complaints. No... nothing.

I lived like this for a huge chunk of my life. Like Bonnie Bennett from The Vampire Diaries, Selfless, always sacrificing, never putting herself first.

One day, I woke up and said, "Enough is enough."I told my friend No. I told strangers No. And, most importantly, I told my father No.

I turned 27 recently, and the word "No" has become my truth. It’s like a breath of fresh air, like ice-cold water on a scorching day, like the sweet thing you crave after a meal. That two-letter word is so crucial to me, crucial to you, crucial to us.

This write-up can go in two different directions. I could ask you why you find it difficult to say “No.” Or I could ask you how you receive “No.”

Today, I care more about the former. But I’m happy to discuss the latter over drinks, if you’re interested, just text me.

I get it, it's hard to say No. We don’t want it to seem like we’re mean or that we don’t care.

We say yes all the time to belong, to be likable, to get something in return.

We say yes because, honestly, it's the easier route.

Humans don’t exactly make it easy to say No. They always follow up with a “WHY?”

I personally hate the “Why?” question, but I’ll get to that in a minute, (just hang in there).

Also, sometimes we honestly have no choice. We just have to say YES.

We say yes and regret it an hour later. Regret it when we’re finally in bed, thinking about the day.

Regret it two weeks later, a year later. We say yes and suffer in silence, get disrespected, or even find ourselves in diabolical situations.

We think to ourselves, “I should have just said No.”“Why the hell didn’t I say No?”

Now, to the “Why” question I mentioned earlier. Sometimes, you have a good reason that would be understandable.

Other times, your reason might seem selfish, so you say yes to avoid coming across that way. Please, my dear friend, sometimes you just have to be selfish.

Sometimes, you have to say your “No” and leave it at that. And I mean saying No with a firm voice! Like a police officer at the army barracks, with no explanation after. I want you to know that No is a complete sentence, and it can be a complete sentence for you, too.

Avoid the “I don’t think so’s” and the “maybe’s.” They leave room for guesswork and half-open doors. Just say No, with your chest.

It’s interesting because saying your No’s is tied to this cute word called boundaries. I don’t have anything to say about that today, but maybe in the future?

Bonnie Bennett died a very stupid death. She could have been so much more if she knew how to say No and choose herself.

I’m not saying I plan to die anytime soon, I have so much more to receive and give to the world. So I refuse to move around like Bonnie Bennett. You should, too.

You see, saying No, as a former yes sayer, was a game-changer.

My father started to understand and move accordingly. My friends and other family members adjusted.

To be honest, it’s still quite hard with family (family is always tricky, you know). But at least now I get to live life on my own terms.

Without giving a damn.

If I say No, I say No.

If you accept it, good for you. If you don’t, well, good for you as well.

The sun will shine again tomorrow.

I keep saying this, but really, when you think about it...

Ile a mo – (Yoruba phrase)