Save your Yarns, I won’t Conform.

<To behave according to socially acceptable conventions or standards> 

<To be Similar in form or Type>

"Tola, don’t you think it would look better if you wore just one necklace instead of the stack…?”

That was the statement that set me off. I’ve been sitting on this topic for a while now, but I think it’s finally time to speak my mind.

By the time you finish reading this, you might agree with me, disagree, or be somewhere in between.

And that’s cool , I respect it.

Every day I thank God for freedom of speech. At least you can’t come and beat me up in my apartment.

You are your own person.

You should strive every day to be your true self, the most authentic version of you that you can be.

If you’re not on that wave yet, you better adjust as soon as possible, because one day, you’ll wake up at 75 and you will cry hot tears.

If you like to wear skirts, stick to neutral colors, wear one special necklace every day, rock loafers with every outfit, and always wear J’adore — then that’s what you like.

And guess what?

That’s awesome because you get to express yourself in your own unique way. You get to be YOU.

But what I don’t fuck with is when you try to force me , or anyone else, to express ourselves the way you do. Who do you think you are?

I can’t speak for others, but I make sure to mind my business at all times.

Did I come and tell you to wear baggy pants just because I love them on me? Answer quickly!

You’ve done your CFA, you went to grad school, you’ve taken this and that professional course.

I’m genuinely happy for you, and your dedication to your career is inspiring.

I appreciate your advice, but why is it that every time we talk, you’re asking me when I’ll do this or that?

Must I walk the same path you walked? Did Jehovah Nissi appear to you in a dream and tell you that this is the path for Tola (or anyone else)?

Do I call you weekly to force you to read a book? Answer quickly!

Again, who do you think you are?

You live your life with so much vim. You love rock climbing, you own a home in the city, you love SUVs, you enjoy crossworld puzzles, you don’t like amala.

You’re not so religious, you want kids, you don’t like Beyoncé, and you love Trader Joe’s.

I could go on, but I think you get the point.

Why do you think the best thing for everyone is to buy an SUV or own a home in the city instead of the suburbs?

Why do you think it’s a problem that someone does something differently from how you do?

Why are you trying to force me to not wear my necklaces in a STACK.

The funny thing is, some days I wear a stack, and on other days, I don’t.

This is why it’s so important to mind the business that pays you.

Everyone cannot, and should not, look alike.

Everyone cannot, and should not, move the way you do. Why should we all?

Now, I’m not saying don’t give advice or suggest ways you think might be better.

I’m just saying: read the room, think before you speak, and don’t expect the receiver to always conform.

Forcing everyone to conform is what discourages individuality, and that’s why people try to be who they’re not.

Forcing everyone to conform is what breeds a society full of people with low self-esteem, hiding behind a facade.

Forcing everyone to conform is what discourages critical thinking and creates an environment where everyone thinks they’re the judge of someone else.

Judging people up and down.

Forcing me to conform is telling me I can’t be Tola.

Life is already hard enough, for goodness’ sake.

That’s why everything feels fake. That’s why it’s all lies.

Don’t get me wrong, though, it’s not all black and white.

There are some things that are socially standard, and they make sense. We just have to follow them sometimes.

But, I’m saying: allow people to do them.

We grow up, we change, we evolve, and we should be allowed to move through different phases of our journey on this earth freely, without someone constantly telling us:

“tHe REal TeA is BeINg a mIniMaList — ThAT Is ThE wAy.”

The way for you, not everyone.

<<Just to clarify, the scenarios in this post are hypothetical. I know some of y'all love to argue, but I'm not here for the drama. Let’s keep it cute and enjoy the conversation>>