When I Have Money.

How often do you say that to yourself? To your friends? To family members? To strangers? I know I say it a lot. Everyday its: When I have money I will do this, when I have money I will do that. When I have money..

You see money in the Oxford dictionary is defined as a Medium of Exchange. I think thats just a lazy definition, a definition you give someone when you are not in the mood to talk. A quick answer! Money is so much. Its means so much. It controls so much. Everyday I think to myself, its all man made and its just a mess.

You see I left Lagos back in 2014 and ever since I got to this country, money has made my life chaotic. In Lagos, I did not have to think about it. My parents took care of everything so money was just whatever. When I got here, the US I mean - I started to understand. Money was not whatever. It was a determining factor for a lot of things and I had very little of it.

I cry as I type this because thinking about those times is very painful. I try to forget about it and move on but it’s hard, it’s difficult. Plus moreover, I cant continue to suppress memories from all stages of my life. It’s not very healthy. When you don’t have money, you do a lot of opportunity cost. Incase you have never taken economics or heard of the term. It’s simply what you have to ForGo. And let me tell you, I have had to ForGo a lot.

I have missed out on a lot of things, A lot. People like to say they understand and in this life you just have to wait your turn. I get it but I think its bullshit. And to be honest, I don’t care to buttress my point right now.

You see one day, I get a phone call and a lot changed. It’s interesting how one phone call and turn a lot around. One phone call you waited ages for. One phone call that determines how less of Foregoing you will now have to do. Its all good for a while but then you start to realize that even when you have more money than you did couple months ago. It not enough. It’s so hilarious.

You think to yourself, I need more. This man made shit - I just need more. You talk to your people and they preach to you about learning to be satisfied and grateful while also looking for more. They tell you thats how life is and congratulate you on adulthood.

At this point in my life, I have a couple things now from my when I have money statements that I made earlier on. I am grateful, I am blessed but it’s still a mess. Cause with the taste of money comes standards, levels, taste. It’s chaotic. The US makes its pretty interesting with the idea of debt. You can have a lot, a whole lot but that just equals - more debt. I am not going to talk about debt today - Its a story for another day.

Everyday I lay in bed, consumed by the same thought before I fall asleep. Money this, Money that. It’s too much, it’s depressing, it’s sad, it’s annoying. I hate it, I hate it so much. Its a cancer, it eats at you. it affects your mood, it affects your progress, it affects your life. All this for some man made shit.

Our creator put us on this earth with basic things  - We as humans we have made a mess of everything. It’s just a damn mess.

I hope that all my when I have money dreams really come through. I hope yours do as well. It’s time to close my laptop now, and continue in my thoughts about money. Eggs are literally almost $6 and bell peppers are even worse. It’s just all money.

At the end of the day, I can’t give the grocery store my shirt in return for eggs.

Its 2024.